The Absorption Factor

The holidays are always a good time to test ourselves and see how far we have come in terms of “staying the course.” Every get together with friends and particularly family members can be an amazing experience if we look at it that way. We might not like every member of our family and invariably there are those who push our buttons, but what a joy it is to just watch the drama instead of getting caught up in it.

There is no question that we absorb the energy of those around us, but when we are most centered and aware, we can watch that energy and consciously choose to react, or not to react at all. Of course, we would all like to absorb the good things that come from associating with people, and screen out the things we don’t like. This is not just a difficult task, it is a daunting one, but the sincere efforts we make in this direction are the most important part even if our final goal takes quite a bit of time or eludes us entirely.

I had quite an interesting experience over the holidays: A few days before going to a relative’s house for a celebration, I spent some time shooting pool with friends. When I arrived at the place where we normally shoot pool, my friends were not there yet, so I played several games of pool with a complete stranger. I love shooting pool but I don’t do it that frequently, and I can’t remember ever playing with someone who was so good. I’m not a bad player myself, but this guy was just great. In the first two games I barely got a chance to shoot because this guy rarely missed a shot! Instead of being upset, I carefully watched how he played and noticed several things: he had incredible focus and presence; it seemed that nothing was getting in the way of his concentration. Also, I noticed that he went for the most difficult shots first, which is counterintuitive for most people. I must have absorbed these lessons quickly because by the time the third or fourth game came around, I was shooting better. I won the fifth game against him.

Several days later I went to a relative’s house who happened to have a pool table. As is customary with this person, we usually end up shooting at least half a dozen games of pool after dinner. This night was no exception, but the experience was a bit different. We are generally evenly matched at pool, but when I played him over the holidays, I beat him quite handily. He asked me after the third or fourth game, “what happened to you?” I told him I had played this really great player a few days ago- that was all. He didn’t believe me and insisted that I must have taken a string of lessons to improve as much as he thought I had.

I thought about what my relative had said all the way home and how he just wouldn’t believe how my pool game had gotten so much better: I had really absorbed that other player’s energy and been able to use it when I played my relative.

Once again, I was reminded how powerful absorbing others’ energies can be, for good and for bad.