The 4.62% Solution

It’s very simple: most of our thoughts, our actions, and our beliefs are centered around ourselves. In typical fashion, I estimate the percentage to be somewhere between 75-90%.

You can prove this theory very easily: next time you talk to anyone about anything and listen to their story, see how quickly what they say needs to be referenced to you. It doesn’t matter what the topic is, the response is almost like Pavlov’s dog: You might say “I would never do that,” “I always ate grits for breakfast, or “my first car was an old Buick.”

It is so rare (almost non-existent) that you can just listen to what somebody says and respond with something like “wow that must have been amazing,” or “Never thought of that,” or That must have impacted you tremendously.”

What’s noteworthy about these last set of responses is the absence of focus on YOU; you are actually listening to and trying to process what the other person is saying without referencing or bouncing off yourself.

In response to this situation I tried a little experiment, and I call it the 4.62% solution(an arbitrary but low enough number): I make a conscious effort to really listen to what other people say and what they might need, and I try to respond in kind, by not focusing on me. This doesn’t mean that I never inject a personal note into the conversation, but it means that I let the focus be on someone other than myself, and their experiences, not mine. I don’t try and outdo the other person.  I try and think about myself now 4.62% of the time, instead of 75-90%.

The results are quite interesting. Try it and see.